The carb-a-holic and the tomatoes of doom!

So it begins. Cutting all the best foods out of my diet. Now, for those of you who don't know, I am a very good cook. Especially things with butter and cheese and sugar and bacon (not all together, that might be weird). No more pancakes every weekend, no more hot dogs 3 times a week, time for nutritious food. My dietician suggested having certain foods on hand to snack on, namely, vegetables. Specifically carrots, cucumber, snap peas, and cherry tomatoes. I am a fan of veggies, I just wasn't used to eating them in this quantity. I also discovered that cherry tomatoes are evil. They are small enough to eat in one bite, however, its bright red exterior and delicious, garden fresh smell are a clever ruse. One in 6 tomatoes has a nasty, albeit, short sighted, defense mechanism. It's slightly elastic exterior is just tight enough to create an explosion of taste ending proportions once you bite into it. The offending fruit explodes its evil, rotten, tomatoey like centre all over your taste buds, inducing a 'oh god, my tongue is dying' gag reflex. And there is no escape, you try and spit it out, but its gooey seed clusters are clinging to your taste buds for dear life. But its all to late. The vile tomato is destroyed. The brave tomato sacrificed itself for it's tomatoey brethren, much like the kamikaze pilots of world war 2. The remaining tomatoes are then tossed in the garbage with disgust and disdain, swearing and oath to never touch a cherry tomato as long as I shall live. I call cherry tomatoes the assholes of the produce aisle, they would rather rot and die than bring enjoyment and nutrition to the world.  Well played, cherry tomatoes, well played.

The snap peas were slightly less disappointing, they want to be delicious AND nutritious, but the bag they come in acts as a stasis field. Seconds after the field is breached, they rot into a soggy, greenish brown goo, devoid of any pea-like properties. So I have peppers instead.

I was also outed as a carb-a-holic. "You like carbs", the dietician stated with the confidence and authority of a police officer ordering me to drop the doughnut with his gun drawn. I knew this was true, i just wanted to 'sneak' them in there. But the food log doesn't lie. I LOVED carbs. doughnuts, pancakes, toast with peanut butter and jam, pasta....I needed to cut back. No more fast food (difficulty level - expert), no more pancakes (difficulty level - hard), cut back on the pasta...wait, that was easy. I just had to start measuring my food. 1 cup of pasta, 2 cups of veggies, 4 oz protein, this is filling. Pasta and bread weren't 'bad', it was the quantities. Yes, having 2 pieces of white bread with butter, peanut butter, and jam was a bad idea. But ONE piece of 100% whole wheat with 2 tbsp peanut butter with no sugar, way less bad and an acceptable snack. 

What else was I missing out on. I consider myself a pretty smart cookie. I KNEW anything that had 'healthy' in the brand or product name was hiding something (it's salt). And it tasted horrible. Healthy food doesn't have to taste like chicken flavoured rubber bands with limp, grey vegetables, and a leeching amount of salt. I know how to cook, I can do this. Do I really need oil in my salad dressing? I love sour flavours, like vinegar and citrus, so I could easily omit that. And what is better than herbs and spices, fresh or dried, instead of sickeningly sweet sauces from a jar? Nothing, that's what. So I started retraining my flavour palate. I COULD make things tasty without oil and sugar. I discovered the fat free greek yogurt, so thick and creamy you could shave with it. (Is that awkward? sorry). Things were going great, until I took a healthy eating module that nearly derailed me.