Note: sorry to all my wonderful followers, I know it's been a while since I posted. It has been a rough couple months, but life is back on track now and so am I. I will be posting more frequently again. Thanks for your patience and support!
Have you
ever waited a reeealllyy long time for something, and find out it's
not as wonderful as it seemed? This happened to me when I finally got
into the clinic. I filled out some paperwork they sent me. The very
same paperwork asking the very same questions as when I first started
my journey with my doctors office. I brought it with me and I talked
about it with my new nurse, who is not nearly as fantastic as the
other one. She made some notes, asked me some questions, and said the
phrase 'fair enough' more times than I can count. It's to the point
now, where if someone says 'fair enough,' I want to throw myself out
the nearest window. This place can be very helpful for certain
people. For me, it extended to the psychologist and the
physiotherapist. There were months of all day appointments and blood
tests and bone scans and I continued my hard work. I lost 25 pounds
before I even entered the clinic, which was almost my plateau, but,
as the months went on, they started to forget that and chide me for
'only losing 5 pounds since you've been here.' My inner, intolerant,
Erica would exhale loudly and roll her eyes. But the Erica you all
know and love, gently reminded them of how much I lost before I got
there. 'Oh, right...forgot about that.' What's the damn point of all
the work I did before (which is required before they even send your
application to the clinic), if they aren't going to acknowledge it? I
ended up plateauing at 310 pounds, which, at 30 pound weight loss,
was fantastic. But it wasn't enough. My ovaries still weren't working
right, my blood pressure was still high, and I still had to manage my
blood sugars with medication. Don't get me wrong, I felt great, I
looked better and I was on the right track. Plus, I had smaller pants
and was drilling new holes in my belt. I could do things easier, move
around better, and wasn't so tired all the time. I also met the most
amazing group of women in a group for emotional eating.
These 4
ladies were there for the same reason I was. When they were sad, or
stressed, or happy, they would make bad food decisions. I mean,
seriously, who says 'I'm sad, imma eat this pepper cucumber salad
(recipe to follow)'? No one, that's who. We all needed help with our
self control and a very wonderful psychologist helped us with that.
We all talked about our demons and how we got them. We learned tips
and tricks from each other, and in the end, I had four wonderful new
friends and some great tools to deal with my cravings. I was easier
to avoid the drive thru, and if I did falter, I wouldn't get the
volume of food I was before. See, I had this issue with food that I
wasn't supposed to eat. 'Well, you aren't supposed to have this, so
mind as well have everything you like because we will never be coming
back here again...EVER!' I inevitably did return, and the whole ugly
process would repeat itself. My group taught me that it's okay to
have food like that once in a while, but keep it small and there is
no shame. You can easily set boundaries for yourself. I call them
shame boundaries.
For
example, once in a while, if you want to have a chicken sandwich from
the local fast food joint, okay, no shame. But my shame meter goes
through the roof if you get a chicken sandwich, nuggets, hamburgers,
and apple pie....more than once in a while (or at all for that
matter). Most people who know me, know that one of my motto's is 'I
have no shame.' But I do, deep down, covered in chicken sauce and
pickles, is my shame. I had to find it, dig it out, and start using
it. And it worked. My forays into the forbidden land of fast food
were few and far between. I felt freer of my problems and ready to
take on the world! (the world actually means my waistline. The world?
Ain't nobody got time for that...) And I couldn't have discovered
this without the wonderful psychologist leading our group, and the
even more wonderful ladies who I shared it with. Thank you.
As I
worked through my calorie reduced diet and more exercise, I kept
asking myself if bariatric surgery was the right option for me, as
this was what this clinic was for. I asked about hcg at this clinic,
and they told me, if I wanted to do hcg, I would have to leave this
clinic. I was scared this was my only option, and I was waiting for
the appointment my doctor recommended with the gynaecologist who
would know about these things. So I trudged through. I asked all the
right questions, mostly about pregnancy. They all came back to the
same answer. If I got pregnant at my current weight, I would be a
high risk pregnancy, due to all my medical issues. But, if I got
pregnant after the surgery, I would have a high risk pregnancy as
well. This would be due to the baby not getting enough nutrients to
grow properly. So I asked the other important question. 'If I am
ready to get pregnant, can I have the surgery reversed'. 'We don't so
surgery reversals if you are pregnant'. I played the answer over in
my head while giving her a blank stare and asked the same question
again. Guess what? I got the same answer! I knew at that point,
either she was too dumb and any doctor who hires a nurse this stupid
is not the kind of doctor I want operating on me, or they don't
encourage this type of thing and it's not right for me. As I was
mulling over my decision over the next week, I got the call from the
gynaecologists office about my appointment. I was very excited, I
hoped he could give me another option to get rid of this extra
poundage that didn't involve hurting me or my unborn children. I just
hoped this wasn't as disappointing as the long wait for the clinic, I
guess I would just have to go and find out.
Pepper
Cucumber salad
serves 2
We make
this quite often, it is simple, fresh, has 2 different vegetables,
and is delicious. You will need to sharpen your knife skills, as I
cut the veggies quite small. You could cut them bigger if you want,
but do what you are comfortable with.
4
Persian or 1 old English cucumbers
2
peppers (I like orange and yellow)
1/4 cup
of fresh herbs (cilantro, basil or dill work well)
OR
2 tbsp
dried herbs
juice of
1-2 lemons (to taste)
2-3 tbsp
oil (optional)
salt and
pepper (to taste)
Chop the
cucumbers and peppers into 1/4” pieces, and place in a bowl. If you
are using the large cucumbers, you will have to adjust to about 1/2”,
or, if you cook how I cook, just do what feels right. I just cut them
into strips and then into little cubes. Rough chop the herbs, add to
the veggies.
At this
point, you can make a vinaigrette if you add the optional oil, or, to
keep this ultra healthy and fat free, I just omit the oil. To make a
vinaigrette, mix the oil and lemon juice in a separate bowl and whisk
together with the salt and pepper. Then dress the salad with it. If
you don't, just squeeze the lemon juice over the salad, add salt and
pepper, toss, and enjoy.
